I’d like to write about that

I have a lot I want to say; I have a lot to say about a lot of things that I believe, for lack of a better description, would benefit many on a variety of topics. My problem is I’m terrible at getting that “brain crack” out of my head and onto screen or audio. I tried the audio notes thing but when I speak things out loud it still doesn’t come out right or as fast as it is playing out in my head. I can’t write either as fast as I’m thinking the things I want to write and I end up tripping over myself and not getting out stuff before I forget it. I end up editing and proofreading the stuff on screen already and optimizing every little thing in a post for search because I can’t help but to do it, which all aids in me forgetting where the hell I was going with a thought. I guess it’s hard to explain but I get great ideas of things to post, thoughts and ideas that from experience I know people could either relate or benefit from reading… I just suck at getting it out of my head…

Chuck not so deep in thought I’ve always kind of wanted to write a book or long story about how I came to be… the stuff that made me who I am today… the bad and the good… family shit that everybody keeps inside… why I hold the beliefs and opinions that I do… why I’m not big on having a family… why I’m a solitary person but like having a stable relationship… why I feel I don’t have really close tight friendships like I used to have growing up… why I used to have a lot of rage and be a violent person and how I overcame that… or at least hide it well… why sometimes I like hard death metal but also like club/techno/electronic music and why sometimes I want to listen to Bob Marley and Jimmy Buffet… they have different effects on me and I use them to control my being… things I keep inside because I don’t want to deal with people’s reactions to them even though I don’t care what they think… why I want to actually talk about this stuff and why I think some people will read it and why I think a lot of people will think differently of me when and if they do… why I’d give a shit about that and why I wouldn’t… why I have certain regrets in life and how those came to be… people that I’ve hurt, intentionally and not… the shit that almost broke me but made me stronger…

but most importantly what I’ve learned throughout almost 33 years of being on earth and having many different environments, people, and situations confront me and affect who I am and maybe what people could learn from that, because at some point, whether people give a shit or not I believe in helping people as much as I don’t want to deal with a majority of them because they anger me. I assume if one person out of a billion can learn one thing from me and that makes them happy then I’ve made a positive change and I’m cool with that.

I need more time to think… the life and work that i’ve chosen keeps my brain wrapped up in a constant whirlwind of what needs to be done next, what isn’t done, what I can improve on, ideas for projects etc… I’m always busy, I forgot what it’s like to be bored… I kind of miss it.

I’d like to write about that… all of it. I just don’t know how…

33 thoughts on “I’d like to write about that

  1. James Wind says:

    Try carrying a voice recorder and just speaking what’s on your mind. Its faster and smoother. Then pay a transcribing service $10 to transcribe it for you. Then you’ll have a working doc that contains all your thoughts that you can proof and enhance without losing your original thoughts.

    Just a thought, its what I do… though I’ve not transcribed them for a while.

  2. Just call your google voice inbox and talk for a while – you’ll get the brain crack out into a format you can dig into when you have time plus you’ll get a hilarious transcript. If you’re intent on writing more you have to schedule that shit just like any other work. I block out an hour or two a week (depends on the week) to do nothing but write. And write pure the first time, then go back and edit. If you’re editing while writing you’re killing the mojo. Just type until you’re empty – then edit.

    • Although I haven’t tried the GV option, I have in fact used the audio record app on the iphone, but like I said in the post, IF I can get to it fast enough w/o being around people or something, it’s hard for me to talk about it because my brain is already so many steps ahead… and there’s something about talking that feels weird? i guess… that’s lends to the difficulty of getting my thoughts out there properly. And when I do, then the thought is over and I don’t ever translate it to words on the blog. I’ve considered using audioboo for those kind of things but then there’s no editing and i don’t feel the audio jumbled mess would come across say as good as this post may to some. idk

      • you just need to stop caring so much if it makes sense to anyone else – write it as it makes sense to you and it’ll work. talking is faster than typing to get thoughts out – but never going to be as fast as thinking.

  3. “why I feel I don’t have really close tight friendships like I used to have growing up”

    With you there. I wonder what happened. Did I change? Is my environment too different?

    You are not alone, man.

  4. Heh…if I didn’t know any better, I’d think I wrote that…no joke…it’s almost exactly how I feel and how I deal with it. I’ve thought the same about writing. I hate my writing though so that’s really what deters me. You should get it all down. If I was going to do it, I’d break it into manageable pieces starting with whatever flows easiest. You can fill in the gaps and piece things together later. Even if nobody ever reads it, you’d probably feel pretty good just hashing it out. I bet a lot of people would read it though. I bet a lot of people would feel your pain.

    @Tyler …I think the reason that kind of thing changed is that when we are kids, it’s a lot easier to trust people. As we get older and see the world for what it is these days (greed, power struggle, etc.), it’s hard to want to be tight with anyone because you just don’t know what their intentions are. At least that’s kind of how it’s been for me.

    • thx man… it’s just hard to get it out at all… none-the-less break it down… I have thoughts randomly that’d be great to talk about but by the time I get out my phone to record it or sit down to write it, it’s already an afterthought and I can’t logically piece it together anymore.

      And agreed on the friends thing… I think that’s a big part of it. Street smarts teaches you that. In fact that’s probably a completely different post anyways lol.

    • That’s also because we don’t take as much time to work on friendships. Sure, we have drinks or play COD online, but that unstructured, nearly unending time? That’s kinda gone.

      Wonder if that’s possible to get back.

      • andrewryno says:

        I’m not saying you’re like me in the sense that I’m emo from time to time. I used to have a lot of posts where I just sit down and type without thinking/editing. Just all my thoughts. I have one up right now, need to find time to do some more. Helps a lot. :)

  5. patrickem says:

    I know how, just like you did just now. Good job too, just keep it up. And ignore Andrew.

    • hah, yeah I started to think how ironic it was that I was doing what I said I couldn’t but at the end of the day… there’s TONS of stuff… once in a blue moon or two I have a little spurt like this where I can get out some stuff… and like the post I did a while ago, which is still one of my more favorite posts: http://upchuck.us/adapt-and-overcome/

  6. You’re one of the most interesting dudes I know and it’d be rad to hear even more about you in the way that you talked about.

    It really is such a crazy process to try to get thoughts out (and recorded in some way) and translated into something outside our heads. That’s definitely something that I’ve struggled with.

    I was just reading Mark F. from BoingBoing’s post about his favorite programs. He recommended the full, desktop version of Dragon Dictation. Here’s a link:

    http://www.boingboing.net/2011/02/10/my-essential-mac-app-1.html

    At $150 (though part of that is for a quality headset to record with), it might seem a little steep, but for someone who’s constantly writing online like Mark F. to say that he’s sold on it and never wants to go back to typing, that seems to be a solid endorsement.

    Anyway, it’s definitely important for people to share stories; we all have a unique one, but the parallels and similarities help us understand ourselves and move beyond ourselves, to understand others. All of the wonderful tech that we use daily is great, but sometimes, I think it gets in the way and even starts to supplant our interaction with people. Writing and getting our thoughts down and then out into the world is a good way to reverse that flow, or at least, start the conversations that we can take into meeting face to face.

    Hope all of these thoughts and ideas from everyone can help!

    • thanks man… I’ll read it. that diction stuff may work but i’m not always around my laptop when I have my thoughts… mostly because I’m too busy when I’m at my computer with work stuff. I’ll look into that… maybe the Google voice will help but I just have issues talking out loud… mentioned that and in a few comments here too.

      Thanks for commenting Jose, appreciate it.

  7. I had a comment earlier but deleted it because I thought it started to go into the direction of talking about me instead of you and your post. All I wanted to say is that you are not alone in these types of thoughts and feelings and without sounding too arrogant, I find that it’s typically found in the people that actually are intelligent.

      • Maybe not, however I do think it’s intelligent to be able to recognize when opening up to most* people, it will only result in them either, telling you what you want to hear and not having their own opinion, telling you how to fix “it” as if it’s no big deal, or just turning the thought into something that is about them. Therefore not wasting your time on most* people becomes intelligence? Meh, maybe I’m wrong and need to shut up. :)

        *Yes, I said “most”, not “all” and I would imagine that anyone commenting on this blog would NOT fall into the “most” category and are sincerely wanting to just point you into the right direction on getting this stuff out of your head.

  8. Dude, you need to write like this more often. And by “this”, I mean write honestly. Sometimes it doesn’t really matter if you think it’s good, it’s what other people get out of it. Remember that post I wrote about the lady shitting herself? I hated it when I wrote it. But people loved it. People come to you for a lot of things, so get those things out of your head and into a blog. That way it leaves more time for Chuck…if that’s possible. I’ve never seen you write in this manner before, and I like it. It’s the Chuck I know. Normally your posts are concise and to the point without taking yourself too seriously. This one kinda shows a chink in the armor, that you’re not actually a robot (i.e., not crying in the first 5 minutes of “Up”). I personally recommend the Conrey version of blogging, “Write drunk, edit sober”. It lets some of your sober man’s thought become a drunk man’s words. It’s not always the best option, but hey, whatever works for you.

    • Actually that’s a good thing, although I rarely drink anymore but what I think is my best? writing was done when I was pretty buzzed. http://upchuck.us/adapt-and-overcome/

      And I LOL’d about your Up comment… I can count on one hand with a few to spare the times I’ve ever cried… a movie ain’t gonna do it lol.

      Thx for reading and sharing… appreciated.

  9. Shan Man says:

    Aaaah, you’re having one of “those” moments. I’ve been where you are, my friend and I can tell you that it is the best ride of your life. Not only will you have all of these thoughts and write them down, but you get so much more out of life. If anything, keep a journal. Even if you don’t know the words, write a little bit everyday and things start to progress. Find the answers in books whether they be fiction or non-fiction. If a story strikes your nerve, analyze it the best way possible and how it relates back to YOUR life.

    Everyone has facets that are more prominent than others at times. It seems there is a facet about you that wants to let out something that needs to be released. The great thing about writing is that you can always write about what is on your mind, but writing shows no bounds or limits. When you’ve written enough, you have enough to go back and re-read and refine. Some of it you won’t refine while some of it you won’t use at all.

    There are people out there that are just like you and think the same way you do. It’s up to you on how much of your life you want to make public while keeping the deeper innards private. I tell you this because I have struggled with exactly what you’re going through. I have two journals of different stuff that I revisit every now and again. I prefer pen to paper, but if you prefer the computer, I recommend finding as much time as you can to “brain dump” to clear your thoughts. All of your fears, hopes, dreams, etc. are solvable when you go back and read them.

    Then write your book!

    Thanks for sharing this Chuckleberry!

    Shan

  10. Just write it out. Don’t edit, just write what you are thinking. Pick one memory from your childhood that has made you do something unique that you do today, and write about it. It is cathartic. Stream-of-conscientiousness writing is good for your soul. I like Shan Man’s idea about keeping a journal. Once you have written a little in your journal, with no editing, then you can write it on your blog and you will feel comfortable with what you write. Don’t think about it, just do it. In the words of the Conrey (also, Yoda), “Do or do not, there is no try.”
    Remember, perfection is the enemy of done.

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